The theory on the hippopotamus
The Holy Bible is a work of varying quality. Especially its
revelations and predictions about the end of the world are often quite
ludicrous. John the Evangelist must have eaten some potent mushrooms
in order to get the silly idea that the last day would be performed
by a bizarre menagerie of many-horned beasts and a Babylonian courtesan.
But one text of the scriptures must definitely be taken serious:
In the Book of Job, chapter 40, from verse 15, it says explicitly that
the "Behemoth" (the hippopotamus) "is the chief of the ways of God";
apparently God has changed His mind as to the leading role of man in
His world.
We humans must henceforward be very wary of rebellious
tendencies among the hippopotami. As the situation is now, they hardly
pose any serious threat. But in the long term we must keep a wakeful
eye on their political activities. The prelude of an uprising will presumably
begin by hippopotami forming support networks for comrades incarcerated
in zoos, demanding their unconditional release. These groups must be
infiltrated and neutralised, otherwise they will form the basis of a
wider political opposition.
If we do not take action at this early stage, the next phase
will be that the support networks evolves into radical cells, staging
insurrections and other serious onslaughts against public law and order.
Furthermore there will be an imminent danger of fanatic hippopotami
forming paramilitary terrorist organisations. The situation will then
be critical, for in the worst case these terrorist groups can acquire
or develop nuclear weapons.
We must therefore make an effective effort to suppress
all tendencies of political consciousness among the hippopotamus population.
First through massive propaganda campaigns, glorifying mankind's supremacy,
for example by mounting huge posters near hippopotami habitats. We should
also begin to train intelligence agents in hippopotamus disguise, in
order to facilitate unnoticed infiltration and monitoring of suspect
political hippopotami organisations. If that doesn't help, we must ban
assemblies, introduce curfews, censor the hippopotami press, carry out
tough questioning sessions of arrested activists, and as a last resort
liquidate dangerous hippopotamus insurgents. It might sound a bit unethical
to use such firm and dirty measures, but it may become necessary. Our
future must be defended at all costs.
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